Try surprising your partner- Spontaneity is exciting and creates an atmosphere which allows for growth and fun at the same time. A popular way to spice up your sex life is to introduce the use of sex toys.

Sex and Intimacy

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Tips for a healthy vibrant sexual relationship

There are basic guidelines that will assure a healthy, lasting, vibrant, sexual relationship with a partner. When dealing with long tern committed and positive relationships, sex and intimacy go hand in hand. One can not exist without the other and you will find that by combining the two you and your partner will experience a much more meaningful and therefore fulfilling interaction. Some people do not even know the difference between sex and intimacy. There is such a huge misunderstanding of what the two really are. The truth is the key to figuring out the secrets to happiness within a relationship, you must know ahead of time- each experience is unique to the individuals involved. However, there are key elements that if monitored, are sure to lead to a healthier partnership. After reviewing our articles, we hope you can take something home with you!

Here are some key factors that play the most important roles in keeping the love alive and healthy.

Tips for Sexual Enhancement

As an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital massage is that an erection is not required for it to feel good; some massage strokes actually feel BETTER when the penis is soft.

Suggested Genital Massage Strokes
There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals. Unless he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and consistent stroking will feel best. I'm going to present a few favorite strokes below, but you can make up your own, refer to Appendix A, or examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More about Massage" section to learn dozens of additional strokes. One approach that some people favor is selecting two favorite strokes, and for a period of time alternating between them every once in a while.
"Healing Stroke" - With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one hand. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the penis all the way to the tip. (Body Electric School handout)

"Anvil Stroke" - Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating an alternating motion. (internet Alt.Sex FAQ)

"Climbing the Mountain" - Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously caress it for about ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue until ejaculation approaches inevitability. (SM 101, 2nd Ed.)
Cocooning
It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you do, then pleasuring can continue all the way through ejaculation and until your partner asks you to stop. At the end of the massage (whether or not there is an ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be folded up over the person on the table to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.

Massaging your female partner:
Female sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual response, in the following ways:
Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and feelings of warmth towards her partner.
Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot stimulation and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize the clitoral orgasms as "sharper" and the G-Spot orgasms as "deeper".
Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they like, and how they like it done.
Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer and be more intense than that which men commonly experience.
Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues following the first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).
It's because of #5 that the basic approach to erotic massage differs between women and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all the way through one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need for them to hold back in any way. Having orgasms in a series can cause arousal levels to float for a long time at a very high level.
Suggested Types of Stimulation
Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation. Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a "free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form "connections" with other parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc.
Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most commonly favored among women, there are many more. Refer to Appendix B or examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More" section for more ideas.

"Clitoral" - When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover something that obviously feels better. Once you find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further pleasure. Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn't feel good to someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she would want you to start right out with.

"G-Spot" - The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've found her G-Spot, and it often feels more "ridged" than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the urethra. One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and second fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger). Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to "come here". Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion. Generally, it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot. Another approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure against all areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a woman's arousal level increases. You'll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little farther from center in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.

"Vibrator" - Vibrators generally work best on or near the clitoris. If the vibration is too intense, switch to a lower speed or put a cloth between the vibrator and her clitoris. It's OK to let your partner hold the vibrator. It's also fun for a vibrator to be used clitorally at the same time vaginal penetration is being performed.

"Verbal and Non-Verbal Encouragement" - It's helpful to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Sexy complements, eye contact, etc. are also nice additions. Many sexual difficulties (especially for women, it seems) stem from worries: worrying that her partner is getting tired of pleasuring her, that she isn't coming fast enough, etc. Letting your receiving partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying giving her pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac for her.

Cocooning
It's nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when you two are finished. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.

Role playing and Fantasizing - Talk to your partner about your fantasies and what role playing ideas you have thought about. Sex can be intimate and yet you can still have moments of pure fun. Leave your world for a moment and try role playing as a way to embrace another realm sexually with your lover. Role playing can consist of creating environments or characters verbally or physically. Talk about your fantasies and live them out as best you can with your lover. The power of suggestion will surprise you and make you feel that much more aroused guaranteed!!

Set up a romantic date - Have a babysitter without your partner knowing show up and take the kids away if you have kids.Then treat him or her to a surprise date. Allow enough time for your partner to have a relaxing shower or bath and lay out your favorite outfit for him or her to wear with maybe some sexy lingerie for afterwards. Visit the restaurant you will eat at earlier in the day and tell them to bring out a small bouquet of maybe 2-3 roses or iris's or some other flower to the table just for your partner. give them your credit card before hand and tell them to run the bill and bring it to you only when your partner is not around. If you have to leave the table to go to the restroom, sneak in and sign it so as not to have money enter in the mood at all. Take your partner out for a drink at a martini bar or some other such place, or maybe for a moonlight walk. When you get home light candles and play relaxing music and give your partner a massage and the rest is up to you.
Know your body - Get to know your own body. Take time out to explore what makes you feel good so that you can communicate that with your partner. The more familiar you are with your body the more fun you can have. Try getting a mirror and looking at yourself masturbate so you can figure out what motions are enjoyable as compared to a little harsh. A little exercise that was taken from the bbc explains a good way to spend some quality time with yourself. Here's how:

Move your hands down now to focus more specifically on your stomach, hips, bottom and finish with your inner thighs.
-taken from Get to know your body by Paula Hall - Psychosexual Therapist

Aphrodisiacs - Some Interesting History
Source: Cambridge World History of Food
Aphrodisiacs were first sought out as a remedy for various sexual anxieties including fears of inadequate performance as well as a need to increase fertility. Procreation was an important moral and religious issue and aphrodisiacs were sought to insure both male and female potency.

Why Certain Foods?
In ancient times a distinction was made between a substance that increased fertility versus one that simply increased sex drive. One of the key issues in early times was nutrition. Food was not so readily available as it is today. Undernourishment creates a loss of libido as well as reduces fertility rates. Substances that "by nature" represent "seed or semen" such as bulbs, eggs, snails" were considered inherently to have sexual powers. Other types of foods were considered stimulating by their "physical resemblance to genitalia"

It's important to realize these food substances were identified (documented) by the likes of Pliny and Dioscordes (ancient Greeks) first century AD and later by Paul of Aegina from the seventh century. Later more credence was given to foods that "satisfied dietary gratification".

Other foods deemed to have these aphrodisiac qualities were derived from mythology. Aphrodite, the love goddess was said to consider "sparrows" sacred because of their "amorous nature" and for that reason were included in various aphrodisiac brews.

There was not always agreement upon what foods were actually aphrodisiacs or "anaphrodisiacs" (decrease potency). But the ancient list included Anise, basil, carrot, salvia, gladiolus root, orchid bulbs, pistachio nuts, rocket (arugula), sage, sea fennel, turnips, skink flesh (a type of lizard) and river snails.

The ancients suggested you steer clear of dill, lentil, lettuce, watercress, rue, and water lily.

Food List

Aniseed
A very popular aphrodisiac with many culinary uses. It has been used as an aphrodisiac since the Greeks and the Romans, who believed aniseed had special powers. Sucking on the seeds is said to increases your desire.

Asparagus
Given it's phallic shape, asparagus is frequently enjoyed as an aphrodisiac food. Feed your lover boiled or steamed spears for a sensuous experience. The Vegetarian Society suggests "eating asparagus for three days for the most powerful affect".

Almond
A symbol of fertility throughout the ages. The aroma is thought to induce passion in a female. Try serving Marzipan (almond paste) in the shapes of fruits for a special after-dinner treat.

Arugula
Arugula or "rocket" seed has been documented as an aphrodisiac since the first century A.D. This ingredient was added to grated orchid bulbs and parsnips and also combined with pine nuts and pistachios. Arugula greens are frequently used in salads and pasta.

Avocado
The Aztecs called the avocado tree "Ahuacuatl which translated means "testicle tree". The ancients thought the fruit hanging in pairs on the tree resembled the male's testicles. This is a delicious fruit with a sensuous texture. Serve in slices with a small amount of Balsamic vinegar and freshly ground pepper.

Bananas
The banana flower has a marvelous phallic shape and is partially responsible for popularity of the banana as an aphrodisiac food. An Islamic myth tells the tale that after Adam and Eve succumbed to the "Apple" they started covering their "nudity" with banana leaves rather than fig. From a more practical standpoint bananas are rich in potassium and B vitamins, necessities for sex hormone production.

Basil (sweet basil)
Is said to stimulate the sex drive and boost fertility. It is also said to produce a general sense of well being for body and mind.

Chocolate
The Aztecs referred to chocolate "nourishment of the Gods". Chocolate contains chemicals thought to effect neurotransmitters in the brain and a related substance to caffeine called theobromine. Chocolate contains more antioxidant (cancer preventing enzymes) than does red wine. The secret for passion is to combine the two. Try a glass of Cabernet with a bit of dark chocolate for a sensuous treat.

Carrots
Another good reason to eat carrots--believed to be a stimulant to the male. The phallus shaped carrot has been associated with stimulation since ancient times and was used by early Middle Eastern royalty to aid seduction. High vitamins and beta-carotene. Perhaps a justification for a piece of carrot cake?

Coffee
Caffeine is a well-know stimulant but remember, too much and it becomes a depressant. Serve small amounts of rich dark coffee in special little demitasse cups. Coffee stimulates both the body and the mind so partake of a little in preparation for an "all-nighter".

Coriander (Cilantro seed)
The book of The Arabian nights tells a tale of a merchant who had been childless for 40 years and but was cured by a concoction that included coriander. That book is over 1000 years old so the history of coriander as an aphrodisiac dates back far into history. Cilantro was also know to be used as an "appetite" stimulant.

Figs
An open fig is thought to emulate the female sex organs and traditionally thought of as sexual stimulant. A man breaking open a fig and eating it in front of his lover is a powerful erotic act. Serve fresh Black Mission figs in a cool bowl of water as it is done in Italy and be sure to eat with your fingers!

Garlic
The 'heat' in garlic is said to stir sexual desires. Make sure you and your partner share it together. Garlic has been used for centuries to cure everything from the common cold to heart ailments. This is a good time for moderation. Enjoy a pasta with a lightly garlicky sauce and it and lead up to something spicy in the bedroom later.

Ginger
Ginger root raw, cooked or crystallized is a stimulant to the circulatory system. Perhaps a stir-fry with freshly grated ginger can stir something spicy up in the bedroom later.

Honey
Many medicines in Egyptian times were based on honey including cures for sterility and impotence. Medieval seducers plied their partners with Mead, a fermented drink made from honey. Lovers on their "Honeymoon" drank mead and it was thought to s "sweeten" the marriage.

Liquorice (licorice)
The Chinese have used licorice for medicinal purposes since ancient times. The essence of the Glycyrrhiza glabra (licorice) plan, glycrrhizin, is 50 time sweeter than sugar. Chewing on bits of licorice root is said to enhance love and lust. It is particularly stimulating to woman.

Mustard
Believed to stimulate the sexual glands and increase desire. Prepare a tenderloin roast (filet mignon) for two with a mustard and peppercorn sauce.

Nutmeg
Nutmeg was highly prized by Chinese women as an aphrodisiac. In quantity nutmeg can produce a hallucinogenic effect. A light sprinkling of the spice in a warm pumpkin soup can help spice up your evening.

Oysters
Oysters were documented as a aphrodisiac food by the Romans in the second century A.D as mentioned in a satire by Juvenal. He described the wanton ways of women after ingesting wine and eating "giant oysters". An additional hypotheses is that the oyster resembles the "female" genitals. In reality oysters are a very nutritious and high in protein.

Pine Nuts
Zinc is a key mineral necessary to maintain male potency and pine nuts are rich in zinc. Pine nuts have been used to stimulate the libido as far back as Medieval times. Serve pine nut cookies with a dark espresso for a stimulating dessert.

Pineapple
Rich in vitamin C and and is used in the homeopathic treatment for impotence. Add a spear to a sweet Rum drink for a tasty prelude to an evening of passion.

Raspberries and Strawberries
Perfect foods for hand feeding your lover. "Both invite love and are described in erotic literature as fruit nipples" Both are high in vitamin C and make a sweet light dessert.

Truffles
The Greeks and the Romans considered the rare Truffle to be an aphrodisiac. The musky scent is said to stimulate and sensitize the skin to touch.

Vanilla
The scent and flavor of vanilla is believed to increase lust. According to the Australian Orchid Society, "Old Totonac lore has it that Xanat, the young daughter of the Mexican fertility goddess, loved a Totonac youth. Unable to marry him due to her divine nature, she transformed herself into a plant that would provide pleasure and happiness." Fill tall Champagne glasses to the rim and add a vanilla bean for a heady, bubbly treat.

Wine
A glass or two of wine can greatly enhance a romantic interlude. Wine relaxes and helps to stimulate our senses. Drinking wine can be an erotic experience. Let your eyes feast on the color of the liquid. Caress the glass, savor the taste on your lips. Do remember that excessive alcohol will make you too drowsy for the after-dinner romance. A moderate amount of wine has been said to "arouse" but much more than that amount with have the reverse affect.

Exercise - The surest way to whet sexual appetite and increase sexual activity is through physical exercise. Exercise revs up hormones, flushes stress, whittles away fat and rejuvenates the body, filling us with renewed vigor, greater confidence and the glow of good health. Regular exercise also increases blood flow to the genitals, priming men and women for sex. some specific types of exercises geraed towards developing the muscles used while having sex are: Kegel exercises.Read on to learn more:
Unlike the muscles in our arms or legs, sex muscles are rarely active during the course of the day. However, by strengthening these "secret" muscles, couples can enjoy more intense sex. Kegel exercises firm the muscles of the vagina, helping women gain muscle control (to grip the penis) and reach orgasm more easily.

Men can use this exercise to delay ejaculation by contracting the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles just before orgasm, then fully relaxing them. Named after Los Angeles physician Arnold Kegel, these exercises strengthen the PC muscles in the pelvis. Though sometimes confused with the abdominal muscles, PCs are the muscles used to stop the flow of urine midstream (not the muscles used to hold in your stomach or tighten your buttocks).

Here's how Kegels work: Contract your PC muscles by clenching, as though stopping urine, and hold for at least two to three seconds per squeeze. Inhale as you squeeze each time and try to fully relax your muscles between each contraction. So you don't get sore, start with just 10 or 20 squeezes. Kegels can be practiced nearly anytime and in any place.

Try them in the morning with each bite of breakfast, while chatting with a co-worker, while watching television or flipping the pages of a magazine until you can do at least 100 to 200 each day. "The squeeze" is fun and easy, and can stimulate erotic feelings. Daily workouts for about one month should yield results.

The "G-spot" - There is so much conroversy regarding "the G spot" and weather or not it really exists. For the original article writen by the man which whom discovered and named the G Spot try reading the original 1950's article here. The G-spot has been identified as a really receptive area right behind the front wall of the vagina, between the cervix and the back of the pubic bone. (A man's "G-spot" is his prostate.) When this spot is stimulated during touching or sex, some women's orgasms are accompanied by an "ejaculation" from the urethra. Ernst Grafenberg, who first wrote about female ejaculatory fluid in 1950, stated that fluid expelled by women during orgasm was not urine, as was the common belief, but, instead, secretions which are similar to a spermless ejaculation by a man.
The ongoing debate over whether such an anatomical feature actually exists can easily be cleared up with the understanding that erogenous zones vary from woman to woman. For some women, there doesn't seem to be any specific spot in their vaginas that is sensitive to stimulation. For others, the G-spot is quite real, with evidence to prove it.
Sex Toys - Sex toys really can enhance your sex life. The taboo behind sex toys is quickly subsiding due to communication between partners and an overall jump in comfort levels. The most important thing when dealing with the topic of intergrating sex toys into your intimate relationships is communication. Talk to your partner about it, and create a comfortable